A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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