dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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