YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
