I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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