you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
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