This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
