When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
