I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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