Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
