What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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