dude i'm inner monologue high
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
two words...techno handjob
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
