Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
