Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
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