I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
