Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
