Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My penis needs a shock collar
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
