ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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