I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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