I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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