do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
