Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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