i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
false alarm, still single
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
