Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We had to coat check the pizza.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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