Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
