Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
