So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
