At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
