So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
