Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
