I just pynch a tree in the face
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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