never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
