I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
