he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
barbara walters just said penis...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I want to fling myself into the sun
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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