I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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