we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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