i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
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Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
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Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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