Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
