you would pick up someone in the library
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
