it hurts more in the daytime
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
