You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
