He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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