He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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