Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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