I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
