Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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