I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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