So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I party with great urgency now.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
