my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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