We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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