I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
