Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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