I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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