; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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