I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
