Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
