If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i drank out of a bidet.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
