i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
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It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
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Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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