why didn't you poke me back
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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