I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
