i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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