she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
