i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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